Link, Idiot of Time
by LiLZelda
Summary: ~*Chapter 5 UP!*~ Navi gets into a fight with the cue-card-man...and LiLZelda, steals the Popes hat!
1. Hidey Ho! it's Navi!

Link, The Idiot of Time  
by LiLZelda  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Zelda… I HATE THAT PART!!!  
  
~SCENCE ONE~ Hidey HO! It's Navi!!!…and some other freaky characters   
  
Great Deku Tree: Navi? Navi where art thou?   
  
Navi: Hi Deku! Want me too water the cow again?   
  
GDT: you mean the lawn?   
  
Navi: no, I mean the cow   
  
GDT: lawn   
  
Navi: cow   
  
GDT: lawn   
  
Navi: cow   
  
GDT: lawn   
  
Navi: pickles   
  
GDT:…?   
  
Navi: forget it. What do you want me to do?   
  
GDT: go get the boy who has no fairy   
  
Navi: which boy?   
  
GDT: the one who has no fairy   
  
Navi: huh?   
  
GDT: what?   
  
Navi: where do I find him?   
  
GDT: *sigh* in my @$$  
  
Navi: okay, kind of weird place to keep a kid though… (starts too fly around…)   
  
GDT: NAVI!!   
  
Navi: what?   
  
GDT: I WAS BEING SACASTIC!!!   
  
Navi: ew, Deku that was a sick joke   
  
GDT: no kidding, anyhoot he lives in a tree   
  
Navi: Deku?   
  
GDT: yes, oh annoying one?   
  
Navi: they all live in trees, wait maybe not ALL of them, some of them live in stumps or on the rare occasion some of them live in huts, like the three know it all brothers, take them for example… ever wonder where they get all that information I wonder where they get that information, and boy are they annoying they just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and---   
  
GDT: (in annoyed tone) Navi… (navi doesn't hear him, heck she's practically ignoring the guy)   
  
Navi: ---and talk and talk, I can't take how they talk so much and then you have to wait and wait and wait and wait until there done and then you just hear them talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk some more!! Can you believe it? Deku? DEKU?   
  
GDT: (asleep) *snore, grunt, snore*   
  
Navi: DEKUUUUUUUUUUUUUU?!!!   
  
GDT: *snore, drool, snore, grunt*   
  
Navi: aw heck I'll go get Link the boy with no fairy who lives in this tall corny tree house… (pause) uh I'll go now (goes) la dum dum LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (crashes into the fence) OW! OH @#$%^&^ stupid fence (goes into Link's house)   
  
Link: *snore, snore, drool, grunt*   
  
Navi: oh great. *ahem* hey! look! hey! monkey! skittles! 23 percent!   
  
Link: huh? (sees Navi) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   
  
Navi: calm down!!   
  
Link: WHAT THE HELLECK??? WHAT THE FRISSLEDORF???? WHAT ARE YOU????   
  
Navi: I'm Barney the purple dinosaur   
  
Link: well, hey Barney you sure lost alot of weight… a lot, anyhoot you sure don't look purple and you really don't look like a dinosaur   
  
Navi: YOU ARSE!!!!!!!!!   
  
Link: what?   
  
Navi: I WAS BEING SACASTIC!!!! *ahem* my name is Navi, the fairy   
  
Link: oh, well in that case my name is Tarzan King of the Jungle   
  
(awkward pause)   
  
Navi: uhh, no seriously what's your name?   
  
Link: Link   
  
Navi: well Link I have good news for you… YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THE DEKU TREE   
  
Link: HUH? WHO TOLD YOU???!!!!! (foam starts coming out of his mouth) I DIND'T KILL HIM, IT WAS MIDO HE DID IT!!!!!!! I'M INNOCENT!!!!! I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU DON'T KILL ME TOO, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M SAYING I KILLED FIDO EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ANNOYING ME TOO HECK YESTERDAY CALLING ME FAIRY BOY (cringes) BUT I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (laughs insanely) {A/n: sorry for anyone who had that idea first}   
  
Navi: …uh, no he just wants to tell you something…else   
  
Link: (calm) oh…since you put it that way…LET'S GO!!!!   
  
(they go outside and to find dun dun dunnnn Saria running towards them)   
  
Saria: YAOWDY! Link what are you doing?   
  
Link: yaowdy?   
  
Saria: a combination of yahoo and howdy   
  
Link: pick one   
  
Saria: yaowdy   
  
Link: Oy (slaps forehead) anyhoot we're going to see the Deku Tree   
  
Saria: okay, I'll be right back…  
  
Link: not you   
  
Saria: who?  
  
Link: (points to Navi) her   
  
Saria: (points to Navi) her?  
  
Navi: (points to herself) me?   
  
Link: yes you   
  
Saria: who?   
  
Navi: me!   
  
Link: what?   
  
Navi: her (points to Saria)   
  
Saria: me (points at herself)   
  
Link: huh??   
  
(very awkward pause)   
  
Saria: gee, I didn't know you had a fairy you're so lucky to be seeing the Deku Tree, well I wait for you here   
  
Navi: who?   
  
Saria: you   
  
Navi: me?   
  
Saria: no him (points to Link)   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Link: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (runs away)   
  
Navi: WAIT!!!! (goes after Link)   
  
Link: (sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth) can't take any more FRISSLEDORFING it is driving me CRAZY I don't know why I'm saying random words ALOUD   
Navi: Link are you okay?   
  
Elephant: well, Navi what do you think?   
  
Navi: I don't know Elephant who just randomly appeared out of nowhere what do you think?   
  
Elephant: call me Hannibelik or if you want this fic to make more sense call me McDowell   
  
Navi: I'll go with Hannibelik   
  
Hannibelik: bye (leaves)   
  
Navi: …   
  
Link: (back to normal…or at least what's normal for him) …well uh let's go   
  
Navi: huh?! Oh yeah!!! (they leave)   
  
Kokiri on the roof: hey! Link up here! (waves)   
  
Link: why are you on the roof?   
  
Kokiri on the roof: uhh that's a good question I'll go put it on my list of questions to ask the producer of this game (takes out a small notepad, starts writing the question down) okay let's see… question number 256 'why am I on a roof?' (puts the notepad back) okay so anyhoot, Link… whatcha doing?? (nobody's down there) Link? LINK?!!   
  
Link: (behind her) BOO!!!!   
  
Kokiri on the roof: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (falls)   
  
SFX guy: SPLAT!!!   
  
Link: ha ha sucker… (takes the notepad) yea! Now I Link the GREAT will RULE YOU ALL WITH THIS NOTEPAD FROM (pauses   
for a minute to read the notepad company) STAPLES MUHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA (ominous thunder and lighting)   
  
Navi: Link? (Link ignores her) LINK?!   
  
(ominous thunder and lighting stop Link turns sane (well…not COMPLETELY sane)   
  
Link: yes Navi?  
  
Navi: could we go??   
  
Link: …okay (gets off the roof and goes towards the entrance, only to find dun dun…DUNNNNNN…Mido)   
  
Mido: hey!! Mr. No- Fairy where do you think you're going??!!   
  
Link: Mr. No- Fairy???   
  
Mido: …what?   
  
Link: huh?   
  
Mido: huh?   
  
Link: what?   
  
Navi: AGH!!  
  
Link and Mido: (turn to navi) what?   
  
Navi: okay Mido move   
  
Mido: why should I miss no human?  
  
(long pause)   
  
Mido: *ah-EM* well uh… (in a hillbilly voice) ya'll have to git the sword and er shield *hic* (Navi and Link are already gone traumatized by the fact that Mido can make his voice like a hillbilly… wait until they get to Lon lon Ranch *hic*) (Mido puts on his normal voice) ha ha that's gonna keep them away for a while (insane hillbilly laugh and dance)   
  
(meanwhile…)   
  
Link: wow, I'm horribly traumatized by the fact that Mido made his voice… (trails off) sound like a… hillbilly (pause) anyhoot what do we do next Navi?   
  
Navi: um… (sounds like she's a perky smart @$$ who just discovered something special) I know why don't we… (in a insane voice) GET THE SWORD AND SHIELD (back to normal state) let's go!!   
  
Link: (freezes)   
  
Navi: what's wrong?   
  
Link: (eyes twitch and says in a zombiesih tone:) Must… go… see… Saria… for no… APPEARENT REASON (goes, Navi follows)   
  
Saria: (listening to some Goth song on the radio)   
I must… CEASE TO LIVE   
I will… CEASE TO LIVE   
Dark clouds… FILL MY DAY… with misery … misery (sees Link) oh shit (turns off music and goes back to regular perky self)   
YAOWDY!! Link what is it??   
  
Link: (in babyish voice) Mido won't let me in WAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!   
  
Saria: oh my good golly gosh that jerk… wait till Wednesday   
  
Link: Wednesday?   
  
Saria: I usually go to his house… for a uh…meeting   
  
Link: SARIA THIS IS A PG-PG13 RATED FIC!!!!  
  
Saria: yes I know … all the Kokiri go to Mido's house for a meeting on Wednesday   
  
Link: oh… so you don't… you know…   
  
Saria: no… (grins evilly) well maybe not ALL the time… BWHAHHAHAHA (ominous thunder and lighting flash)   
  
(Link and Navi get psyched out and run away)   
  
Saria: (all things stop except for the ominous thunder and lighting Saria changes into some Goth cloths and turns on the radio to that same Goth song)   
I will… CEASE TO LIVE   
I must… CEASE TO LIVE   
Dark clouds… FILL MY DAY… with misery… misery…  
  
(meanwhile…)   
  
Link: what in the name of the frickty frick was that?   
Navi: (zoned out) I don't know… (in perky tone) but it was kind of funny…(zoned out again) but fricky   
  
Link: fricky?   
  
Navi: freaky   
  
Link: huh?   
  
Navi: what?   
  
(oh no not AGAIN!!!)   
  
Link: what?   
  
Navi: huh?   
  
(suddenly a elephant falls out of the sky and lands inbetween them)   
  
Link and Navi: HUH?   
  
Elephant: there coming there coming   
  
Link: …do you think the author is well… high?   
  
Navi: either that or she ate ALOT of sugar   
  
Elephant: there coming there coming   
  
Navi: who the frissledorf is coming??!!   
  
Link: hey! That's my word!!   
  
Elephant: aliens are attacking my elephant planet… JAJA   
  
Link: JAJA?   
  
Navi: his planet   
  
Link: huh?   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Elephant: frissledorf?   
  
Link: THAT'S MY WORD!!!!   
  
Navi; anyhoot who the helleck are you random elephant sir? (the random elephant sir is gone) O.O;;; this is turning out to be one HECK of a story…   
  
Link: your telling me…   
  
(they go near the entrance of the little tunnel to find that crazy punching kicking Kokiri)   
  
Punching kicking Kokiri: hi (punch) Link (kick) how (kick punch) you doing? (kick punch kick)   
  
Link: well I'll tell you once you stop the fricking kick boxing moves that are obiosly no use because the monsters are outside of this forest… (pause) uh could you stop now?   
  
Punching kicking Kokiri: I (punch) can't (kick) stop it (punch kick kick punch)   
  
Link: oh Frissledorf you   
  
Punching kicking Kokiri: (automatically stops) say that… again   
  
Link: you?   
  
Punching kicking Kokiri: no   
  
Link: oh?   
  
Punching kicking Kokiri: no   
  
Link: fricking kick boxing moves?   
  
Punching kicking Kokiri: (statrs to get annoyed) NO   
  
Link: what?   
  
Punching Kicking Kokiri: huh?   
  
Link: what?   
  
Punching Kicking Kokiri: what?   
  
Navi: Hannabelik?   
  
Hannabelik: Navi?   
  
Navi: Link?   
  
Link: Saria?   
  
Saria:   
I must… CEASE TO LIVE--- uh I mean *ahem* Mido? (goes back to siging)   
  
Mido: (in hillbilly voice) Pa?   
  
Pa: Mido?   
  
Mido: (in hillbilly voice still) Ma?   
  
Ma: Milk?   
  
Milk: (rustles in the bucket… Translation: George Bush?)   
  
George Bush: Jakie Chan?   
  
Jakie Chan: egg roll?   
  
egg roll: (rolls… Translation: milk?)   
  
Milk: (rustles… Translation: Bill Gates?)   
  
Bill Gates: Hannabelik?   
  
Hannabeilk: Navi?   
  
Navi: Link?   
  
Link: WHAT????   
  
Navi: Bill Gates?   
  
Bill Gates: Link?   
  
Link: FRISSLEDORF??   
  
Frissledorf: Camryn Diaz ?   
  
Camryn Diaz: Punching Kicking Kokiri?   
  
Punging Kikcking Kokiri: author?   
  
Author: Frissledrof?   
  
Link: STOP STEALING MY FRICKIN WORD!!!!   
  
(back to the story…)   
  
Navi: gee, that was very much uncalled for   
  
Link: uh huh   
  
Navi: uh, why don't we go in that oddly small tunnel   
  
Link: k (goes though the hole) holy cow why the frick is the whole so oddly SMALL!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: stop it Link   
  
Link: What?   
  
Navi:if we want our sugur eating pot smoking author to get good reviews we have to quit with redundant-ness   
  
Link: but Navi don't (bonk head on the tunnel ceiling) OW! *ahem* don't we want our author to get BAD reviews (winks)   
  
Navi: I don't think so and what's wrong with our eye Link?   
  
Link: oy. (slaps foreshead and bangs head on tunnels ceiling) OW! Stupid FRICKIN tunnel (gets out of the tunnel)   
  
Navi: what the frissle--- I mean what the frick is this frickty frick place?  
  
(a rap star comes out of nowhere)   
  
Rap star: whaz up!!!!!!   
  
Link: DAWG!!!!   
  
Rap star: HOME BOY!!!!!   
  
Rap star and Link: (turn to Navi) FOO'!!!!!!!   
  
Navi: SHUT YO MOUTH {A/n: for anyone's word that oringally was my very big apoligies}   
  
Rap star: YO!!! I LIKE THAT WORD YO!!!!!! FRICK!!!! (starts singing werid song)   
Frick to the frick to the fricky frick (starts breakdacing and just… disappears)   
  
Link and Navi: …  
  
Navi: something is SERIOUSLY wrong with the author … let's go…   
  
(they start to head towards the traseuse chest in the very easy simple maze that took me two days to figure out how to get though, when suddenly …. The boulder comes rushing towards them Inianna Jones music starts playing and a scence from the boulder chasing part emerges everything goes to slow motion…)   
  
Link: (is about feet away from the tressure chest Navi is by his side, he's holding on to his cap the bolder is right behind him) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (inches away from the tresure chest Link dives for it and grabs on the bolder turns the regular corner and sped turns back to normal) *phew* the cllllllllllooooooooooossssssssseeee glad I got that off my back… or something…   
  
Navi: we're SO dead   
  
Link: why?   
  
Navi: YOU ARSE!!!!!   
  
Link: (cringes) what is it?   
  
Navi: that was a copyright… we didn't pay (in the backgroud you can hear the crew scearming bloody murder and things like 'get my LAWYER!!!!') we're DOOMED!!!!!!! D-O-O-M-E-D!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Link: NAVI!!!!   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Link: the guy who plays Indianna Jones is probably 99 he won't even care… hopefully…   
  
Navi: (blows nose with a kleenx tissue and throws it there, goes back to self) open the chest  
  
Link: NAVI YOU PREV!!!!!   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Link: for the love of frissledorf, you know… open the chest (points to his chest) YOU PREV!!!!!   
  
Navi: (gets it) OOOOOHHH EWWWW!!!!!! I meant the tresure chest behind you…  
  
Link: (turns around) what chest?   
  
Navi: WHAT do you mean!!!! the chest right (looks behind Link… there is no chest) … behind…you? WHAT THE??!!!!!   
  
Link: hey look!! (there's a note a spyglass is next to it he grabs it starts to read) Dear---   
  
Navi: Read it read it!!!!!   
  
Link: 00; that was the idea… *ahem* Dear Star and Co-star----   
  
Navi: CO-STAR???!!!! OH OF ALL THE NERVE---!!!   
  
Link: STUT UP MINOR!!!!!   
  
Navi: (grumbling)   
  
Link: anyhoot, dear star and co-star, since we couldn't (or didn't bother to) get a bigger treasure chest we regret (YEA RIGHT!!!) to inform you that Navi the minor~Navi:HEY!!~ will have to open the chest… thanks and good frissledorfing day ~Link: StOP STEALING MY WORD!!~ the author   
  
Navi: oh… what's the spy glass for??   
  
(Sherlock Homes comes on the scene)   
  
Sherlock Homes: ((SH) in British accent) well ello' chaps! I'll be taking that if you don't mind… (takes spyglass) I'm off to solve the mystery of the myteris appearing elephants…   
  
Link: I know why there appearing…   
  
SH: no,no, No need to fret chap Sherlock Homes will solve it   
  
Link: but I---   
  
SH: no need for that   
  
Link: but---   
  
SH: I best be going…   
  
Link: k   
  
(two mintues later)   
  
Link: uhhh could you go now?   
  
(SH is gone… he was gone at the first second)   
  
Navi: … could we open the chest now?   
  
Link: k… go ahead…   
  
Navi: …   
  
Link: GO!!!   
  
Navi: …   
  
Link: GO!!!   
  
Navi: …   
  
(this continus for about a half hour when suddenly… ANOTHER ELEPHANT FALLS)   
  
Link and Navi: HUH?   
  
Elephant: …AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH (stamps on the treasue chest it breaks elephant diappers)   
  
Link: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! It… (perky) hey look the sword!!! ( the sword is lying on the ground Link picks it up)   
  
(cool techno music starts playng to signal that Link got something… Link and Navi start dancing, music stops they stop dancing)   
  
Link: …Wow… our author IS high…   
  
Navi: or… she ate ALOT of sugar…  
  
Link: high   
  
Navi: sugar   
  
Link: high   
  
Navi: sugar   
  
Link: high   
  
Navi: sugar   
  
Link: frissledorf   
  
Navi: sugar   
  
Link: …high   
  
Navi: sugar   
  
(rap star appears out of nowhere)   
  
Link: DAWG!!!   
  
Rap star: HOME BOY!!!   
  
Rap star and Link: (turn to Navi) FOO'!!!!!   
  
Navi: SHUT YO MOUTH!!!   
  
Rap star: yo DAWG and (turns to Navi) FOO' I have a song… check it out: (starts singing new rap song… DON'T LOOK AT ME YOU MAKE UP THE TUNE)   
It's sugar high ooooooooh yeah   
Cuz it's sugar high ooooooooooooh yeah   
(starts break dancing and just… diappears)   
  
Link: ………………   
  
Navi:…………………   
  
(two elephants appear out of nowhere)   
  
Navi: man this author has some serious case of writers block   
  
Link: frissledorf   
  
Elephant 1: HIIIIIIIIIIII MYYYY NAMMEEEE ISSS DERANGO!!!!   
  
Elephant 2: bob   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Elephant 2: don't be a helleck what's your name   
  
Link: what is it with my words…   
  
Elepahnt 1: frissledorf   
  
Link: (pschyo mode) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! (bashes elephant on the head with a hammer, elephant… falls unconscious, a little girl with devil horns appears)   
  
Random Devil: hi   
  
Navi: what the pickle moose?!!!   
  
Link: PICKLE MOOSE?!   
  
Navi: a fairy can make up her own words can't she??   
  
Link: you're a boy??   
  
(long pause)   
  
Random Devil: hi   
  
Navi: what's your name?   
  
Link: Link   
  
Navi: not you!!!   
  
Link: who   
  
Navi: (points to the Devil Kid…or something) her…I mean 'it'   
  
Random Devil: it?   
  
Navi: you   
  
Random Devil: me?   
  
Link: no   
  
Navi: huh?   
  
(a Angel appears out of nowhere)   
  
Random Devil: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!   
  
Random Angel: MWHA I have found you by…   
  
Chours: (in angelic voices) THE POWERS OF GOOD   
  
Random Angel: that is right   
  
Random Devil: well I will defeat you with my FIST OF FIRE!!!   
  
Chours: DUN DUN DUNNNNN   
  
Random Angel: hark!! That is no match for…   
  
Chours: (angelic voices) THE POWERS OF GOOD   
  
Random Angel: no   
  
Everyone: no?   
  
Random Angel: no, this is no macth for… TOM CRUISE!!!   
Everyone: Tom Cruise?   
  
Random Angel: yeah… who elese? (disappears)   
  
Link: we're completey losing the plotline   
  
Navi: the author is REALLY desperate for a good fic huh?   
  
Link: (nods)   
  
Navi: well do to the fact that we wasted our life in here I think we should go…   
  
Link: yep… OH NO!!!!   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Link: get ready   
  
Navi: WHAT?!!   
  
Link: Indianna Jones scene again   
  
Navi: oh hell   
  
(Indaianna jones scene starts… IMAGINE OUR OWN!!!!)   
  
Link: (crawls out of tunnel, freezes in tracks) uh oh…   
  
Navi: What? What?   
  
Link: it's-- I--Idianna Jones (points to a OLD man in a wheelchair oxygen tubes are in his nose oxygen tank is in the back of him an IV bag is beside him and fluid is running though him in tubes in his veins)   
  
Navi: wow Link you were right he's OLD   
  
(indianna jones comes over… VERY SSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOWWWWWWWYYYY)   
  
Idianna Jones: ((IJ) in a granpaish voice) hey there sonny you must be Link and his co- star Navi the minor   
  
Navi: (grumbles)   
  
IJ: anyway… you have committed a copyright   
  
Navi: (starts freaking out) I KNEW IT!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!!! (foam starts coming out of her mouth) YOU DIDN'T BELIVE ME BUT I KNEW IT I KNEWW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
IJ: …  
  
Navi: (still in psyshco mode) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (grabs wheelchair and throws it into the air)   
  
IJ: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL GGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTT YYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU NNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIII TTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Link:…  
  
Navi: could we go now?   
Link: no   
  
Navi: why?   
  
Link: huh   
  
Navi: what?   
  
(elephant falls out of the sky)   
  
Link and Navi: HUH?   
  
Elephant: there coming there coming   
  
Link: this elephant seems familiar   
  
Navi: don't all of them?   
  
Elephant: JAJA   
  
Link: your planet right?   
  
Elephant: what   
  
Link: huh   
  
Navi: helleck   
  
Link: frissledorf   
  
Elephant: smelckepoo   
  
Link: STOP STEALING MY FRICKING WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Navi: since when did smecklepoo become your word?   
  
Link: since elephants started falling out of the sky   
  
Navi: so… two hours and twenty seconds ago?   
  
Link: mainly, yeah   
  
Navi: idiot   
  
Link: yes…yes I am   
  
(on the planet JAJA 2,00,000,000 light years ahead)   
  
Elephant 1: HAAAHHAAA silly fools… there not even aware of our plan HAAHAA   
  
Elephant 2: but sir we're not even aware of our plan… we don't even have one   
  
Elephant 1: Shut up Killamonjaro   
  
Elephant 2: yes Sir Himalayia   
  
Sir Himalayia: once we think up a master plan…I Sir Himalayia will rule the world-   
  
Killamonjaro: uh sir Himalayia?   
Sir Himalayia: WHAT IS IT MINOR??!!!   
  
Killamonjaro: why are we named after mountains?   
  
Sir Himalayia: good question… SHERLOCK!!   
  
(Sherlock (SH) Homes walks onto the scene)   
  
SH: yes freaky elephant chap?   
  
Sir Himalayia: go find out why were named after mountains   
  
SH: how much do I get?   
  
Sir Himalayia: how much do you want?   
  
SH: how much do you have?   
  
Sir Himalayia: 600 rupees   
  
SH: 900   
  
Sir Himalayia: 300   
  
SH: 800   
  
Sir Himalayia: 450   
  
SH: ONE RUPEE AND THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER!!!   
  
Sir Himalayia: one rupee it is… here ya go (hands the poor suker SH the rupee) now go boy go!!!   
  
SH: arf! Arf! (goes)   
  
Sir Himalayia: sucker   
  
(Kokiri Forest)   
  
Link: so we got the sword… now all we need is a Milky way (grabs a candy bar from his pocket eats it) yum   
  
Navi: how many rupees ya got?   
  
Link: zero… (looks paranoid) why?   
  
Navi: we need to buy the shield   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so Mido can let us in   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so we can finish this chapter   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so I could watch 'All my Children'   
  
Link: why   
Navi: so we can both get on with our lives   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so I can jump off a cliff and still live because I have wings   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so you can get sued by Indianna Jones   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so the author can get a spelcalist for writers block   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so the elephants have a nice home to live when they squash us all like bugs   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so I can tell the Deku Tree I actually completed his sorry little tasks   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so you could stop be such a idiot   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so Bill Gates can make more money   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so I don't turn goth   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: so I don't strangle you   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: why   
  
Link: Navi?   
  
Navi: yes Link?   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: because   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: because   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: because   
  
Link: because   
Navi: Link?   
  
Link: yes?   
  
Navi: could we go now   
  
Link: k 


	2. The Forty Percent Discountand stuff

Link, the Idiot of Time   
by LiLZelda   
  
~~~~~   
LiLZelda: YEA!!! SCENE TWO!!! (throws confetti in the air)   
Navi: MORE CHARATER BASHING!!!! WHOOHOO!!!!   
LiLZelda: MORE ELEPHATS!!!   
Reviewers: BOO!!!   
LiLZelda: SHUT UP MINORS!!!!!!!!   
~~~~~   
  
~SCENE TWO~ The forty percent discount… and stuff   
  
Link: hmmmmm…  
  
Navi: whatcha thinking about Link   
  
Link: stuff   
  
Navi: like?   
  
Link: like… stuff   
  
Navi: oh helleck you're dumb aren't you?   
  
Link: duhhhhhh… I think nots…duhhhhhhhh   
  
Navi: (shakes head) so anyways Link ya need to collect forty rupees   
  
Link: why   
  
Navi: you know why we already discussed this!!!!!!   
  
Link: frissledorf (runs away)   
  
Navi: uh oh I sense a writers block scene coming  
  
(Link runs to the house where the Kokiri is trying to pick up the rocks)   
  
Rock grabbing Kokiri: hi ya Link (trys to pick up rock) holy cow this thing is heavy…   
  
Link: then how come I can pick it up? (picks up rock)   
  
Rock grabbing Kokiri: oh frissledorf you   
  
Link: OH FRICK!!!!! WHAT IS IT WITH MY WORD?!!!!!!!!!!!! DDDDDDDDIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!! (bashes Kokiri on the head)   
  
Navi: (finally finds Link) only two mintues into the scene and already he's killing off charaters… oh smecklepoo…   
  
Link: hi Navi!!!   
  
Navi: oh frissledorf   
  
Link: what was that minor?!!!   
  
Navi: what   
  
Link: huh   
  
Navi: huh   
  
Link: what   
  
(a elephant falls from the sky)   
  
Link and Navi: HUH   
  
Elephant: (sounds like a hobo…or hillbilly…in my opion they both sound very similar) Hi ya'll *hic* (takes and swallows a gallon jug of…something) how ya'll doing *hic, hiccup*  
  
Navi: well mister elephant for the sake of the readers… and the author… but mostly for the readers I'm going to ask you what are you drinking so… WHAT THE HELLECK ARE YOU DRINKING?!!!!!   
  
Elephant: well ya see minor… I'm drinkin ten gallons of pure *hic* cool *hic* achohal   
  
Navi: HOLY SHAMOLY!!!!   
  
Link: cool   
  
Navi: for the love of pickle moose he's must be drunk as…as the author!!!!   
  
LiLZelda: naw uh… *hic* (drinks beer) *hic* (passes out)   
  
Navi: -_-   
  
Link: could I have some?   
  
Elephant: sorry kid I'm afraid you're not old enough (a five year old Kokiri comes towards the elephant)   
  
Five year old Kokiri: hey mister I'm thisty could I have some alcihol?   
  
Elephant: why sure *hic* youngin!!! Here take the whole *hic* thing (hand the whole thing to the little Kokiri)   
  
Five year old Kokiri: thaks mister!!!!! ^_^ (takes the ten gallon jug…the little gullible now half drunk kid goes off skipping and drinking it)   
  
Navi: …   
  
Elephant: well *hic* bye ya'll!!!!!   
  
Link: darn it!!!!!!   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Link: I forgot   
  
Navi: forgot what?   
  
Link: uh… something…   
  
Navi: this fic is making no sense   
  
Link: What are you talking about it's making complete sense Navi!!   
  
(suddenly a band of moose march by)   
  
Navi: (sarcastically) oh well then I rest my case.   
  
Link: good   
  
(they walk in the shop)   
  
Clerk: (says this fast) wouldyoulikeashieldwouldyoulikedekuseedswellyacan'thavethemcauseyou'retooyoungHAHA   
  
Link: uh…no…I'll think I'll have a Milky way (takes out a candy bar from his pocket and eats it) yum   
  
Navi: we would like a shield   
  
Link: and a Milky Way   
  
Navi: shield   
  
Link: milky way   
  
Navi: shield   
  
Link: milky way   
  
Navi: mars bar   
  
Link: (pschyo mode) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MIONR!!!!!!!!!!!!! (bashes Navi on the head with a hammer)   
  
Navi: (dies…for now)   
  
Link: Oooohhhhh author   
  
LiLZelda: (eats sugar, smokes) yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssss? (eats sugar)   
  
Link: uh… could you make up a slightly deranged partner for me?   
  
LiLZelda: sure you have two options one- me (smokes), ooooorrrrrr two- Navi (eats sugar)   
  
Link: (automatically) Navi   
  
LiLZelda: WISH GRANTED ALADIN!!!! (Navi appears)   
  
Link: oh author   
  
LiLZelda: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss? (eats sugar, smokes)   
  
Link: what's in that pot your smoking?   
  
LiLZelda: sugar!! bye now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (disappears with a poof)   
  
Navi: so where were we?   
  
Link: at the Kokiri shop   
  
Navi: what   
  
Link: huh   
  
Clerk: (says fast) soyouwanttheshieldyouwantitwantitwantit? (Tranlation: *ahem soyouwanttheshieldyuowantitwantitwantit? Oh heck…here you freeloaders… so you want the shield you want it want it want it? HAPPY!!!!!!!!! …geez)   
  
Link: I WANT THE SHIELD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
(everyone stares at him)   
  
Clerk: (sounds like a doorsales man) well sonny your in luck today…   
  
Link: (sounds like a surprised costumer) I AM?   
  
Clerk: yes you are!!!!!!!! We have a forty percent discount on this shield today!!!!!!!!!! (ballons and confetti fall down from the ceiling)   
  
(outside the store)   
  
Kokiri 1: what the mecleseem happened to him?   
  
Kokiri 2: mecleseem?   
  
Kokiri 1: like smecklepoo only more hopeydope   
  
Kokiri 2: what the frick is wrong with you?   
  
Kokiri 1: (sticks tougue out)   
  
Kokiri 2: (rolls eyes) you're such a elephantmonkey Al…   
  
(inside the store)   
  
(Link and the Clerk and Navi are dancing… suddenly ANNA NICOLE APPEARS?!!!!!!)   
  
Anna Nicloe: hi ya!!!!!!! (starts pole dancing)   
  
(they all stop dancing…except for Anna Nicole)  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MY EYES MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Navi: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! THE IMAGES THE IMAGES!!!!!!   
  
Clerk: WHOOHOO alright ba-- I mean… OHHHH!!!!! MY EYES ARE BURNINGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Link: (while covering his eyes) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (he grabs the pole with anna Nicole still dancing on it… he throws goes outside and throws the pole allele tttthhhhheeee wwwwwwaaaayyy over the Kokiri Forest..Anna Nicole is still pole dancing while he throws it)   
  
Anna Nicole: IIIIIIII'LLLLLL BBBBBBBEEEEE BBBBBBBAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOORRRRR MMMMMYYYYY DRREEEESSSSSMMAKKKERRRR ISN'T GAYYYYYY… ANNNNNDDDDD HHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEE IISSSSSSS…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!   
  
Link: those images will scar me for the rest of my life… and she's after me now too   
  
Navi: well at least you got someone young after you…that 99 year old holywood wanna- be is still after me *shivers*   
  
Link: frissledorf   
  
Navi: what   
  
Link: I forgot…   
  
Navi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!   
  
~~~END OF CHAPTER~~~   
  
LiLZelda: soooooooooooooooo how did ya like it?   
Anna Nicole and Indianna Jones fans: DIE BEE- ACTH!!!!!!   
LiLZelda: how lovely…   
Navi: frissledorf   
LiLZelda: I know what you mean Navi… anyways sone things in the next chapter- Link gets his sheild and beats Mido to a pulp!   
Link fans: YEA!!!!   
Mido fans: DIE BEE- ACTH!!!!   
LiLZelda: critics…I hate those lopaloops   
Navi: *writes lopaloop down on a notepad* THANX LILZELDA!!! *flies away*   
LiLZelda: AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!! BEE- ACTH!!!   
~~~~~~~~~ 


	3. InsaneInsaneAND RANOMNESS

Link, The Idiot of Time   
by LiLZelda   
  
~~~~  
FINALLY!!!!! CHAPPIE THREEEE!!!!!!!   
Navi: LOPALOOP!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!   
LiLZelda: JUST WAIT UNTIL THE FIC NAVI I'LL FRIGGIN STRANGLE YOU!!!!!!!   
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOO…make …LiLZelda…stop…writing…no…please…no…flames…AVENGE MY DEATH!!!!  
LiLZelda: (laughs manically) AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!   
~~~~   
  
~*SCENE THREE: AGGGGHHHH I HAVE NO TITLE (starts killing random people)~*   
  
Link: frissledorf, smecklepoo, hopeydope, hmm…what am I missing…   
  
Navi: LOPALOOP!!!!!   
  
Link: WHAT WAS THAT?!!!!!!!   
  
Navi: what   
  
Link: huh   
  
Navi: huh   
  
Link: what   
  
Navi: where   
  
Link: how   
  
Navi: how   
  
(YEAH!!!!! A ELEPHANT FALLS FROM THE SKY!!!!!!!)   
  
Link & Navi: HUH?!!!!!!   
  
Elephant: (sounds like a very educated person) I do say…where am I?   
  
Navi: (eyes widened) Oh my god…he's smart…   
  
Pre-recorded gasps: *GASP*   
  
Educated Elephant: pardon me boy but do you know where I am?   
  
Link: (starts to foam at the mouth and starts walking toward him like a zombie) EDUCATION…E-D-U-C-A uhhh tion (starts going wild) EDUCATE!!!!! EDUCATE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Educated Elephant: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *ahem* pardon me but this story is (sounds like a dumb bum) FRICKIN INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs away)   
  
LiLZelda: MWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! (lighting flashes) that's another smart person gone in my fic TOODLES everybody!!!!!!! (disappears)   
  
Navi:……this fic isn't making any sense   
  
Link: what are you talking about Navi of course it is!!!!!   
  
(suddenly flying baby monkeys fly by siging 'It feels so empty without me' by Emeiem)   
  
Navi: (sarcastically) oh well then I rest my case   
  
Link: good   
  
Navi: you're such a dumb@$$ you know that?  
  
Link: duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (starts to drooluncontrollbly) nopes I'm nots duhhhhhhh moo   
  
Navi: idiot… well let's go back to the Kokiri Shop…   
  
Link: where?   
  
Navi: (points to the Kokiri Shop) there   
  
Link: (points to a section of the forest where they show reviewers buring hoses down with torches and flamethrowers and sceaming 'get LiLZelda! get LiLZelda!') there?   
  
Navi: O__O;;;; er…no (points to the Kokiri Shop) there   
  
Link: you mean frissledorf there (points to a section of the forest which is near a cliff a sign reads: SUICIALDIAL JUMP…FREE FOR ALL)   
  
Navi: sadly…no… there…(points to a section of the forest where it says: LILZELDA'S HOUSE…EVERYONE WELCOME…BEWARE NAVI (insane laugh) OH HELLECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (points to the Kokiri Shop) there  
  
Link: (hyper all of a sudden) OOOOO MOO COW LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!! AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! FRISSLEDORF!!   
  
(in Kokiri Shop)   
  
Clerk: (says really REALLY fast) hiyasonnycameherefortehshieldwellyou'retoolatecausesomeotherlittleBEE-ACTHtookAHAHAjustjokingtaketheshieldyoufrissledorfingmoinrHAHAHHAHA…I'msodeadforsayingthat…   
  
Link: um no thanks I'll think I'll have a milky way (takes out candy bar and eats it) yum ^_^   
  
LiLZelda: (appears in the room) GET YOU'RE SHIELD YOU FRISSLEDORFING MINOR!!!!!   
Link: (pschyo mode) AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH DIE YOU BEE-ACTH!!!!!! (tries to kill LiLZelda but she of course escapes…) aw fawk…gimme the shield…   
  
Clerk: hereyagosonnythat'llbefortyrupees!!!(laughs manically)   
  
Link: (takes the shield and slowly backs away) uh…thank you…FRISSLEDORF!!!!!!!!!!! (runs away)   
  
Navi: MWHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA--- what the friss--- what the fricty frick was that?   
  
(Rap star appears)   
  
Rap star: whazzzzzzzzzzzzzz up!!!!!!   
  
Link: DAWG!!!!   
  
Rap star: HOME BOY!!!!!   
  
Rap star and Link: (turn to Navi) FOO'!!!!!!!   
  
Navi: SHUT YO MOUTH   
  
Rap star: YO!!! THE WORD CAME BACK TO ME YO!!!!!! FRICK!!!! (starts singing werid song)   
Frick to the frick to the fricky frick (starts breakdacing and just… disappears)   
  
Navi: ………………………………   
  
Link: FRISSLEDORF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING!!!!!!!!   
  
Navi: what?   
  
Link: we got a new item thingy… hit it guys!!!!!!!   
(cool techno music starts playing to signal that Link got something… Link and Navi start dancing, music stops they stop dancing)   
  
Navi: BOY DID I MISS THAT!!!!   
  
Link: FRISSLEDORF!!!!!! (runs away)   
  
Navi: uh oh…writer's block scene coming…(flies after him)   
  
Mido: (still doing the insane hillbilly laugh and dance) YYEEEEHAWWWWW *HIC* (sees Link) aws shucks *hiccup* (turns back to regualr self…well normal for him) finally …what the desselk happened?   
  
Link: ummm…first we went into the oddly small tunnel then a rap star came out and started siging…  
  
(rap star comes out and starts siging)   
  
Rap star: (make up the tune you freeloaders)  
Yo there's this home boy named Link he is so cool   
Then there's his corny fairy who is a foo'   
  
Navi: HEY!!!   
  
Link:   
Nigga nigga nigga nigga   
  
Rap star: Link don't try and be a white gangster   
  
Link:   
Alright that's cool (crosses his arms and does a gangster-like pose, falls flat on his face)   
  
Navi: boom boom chi chi boom chi   
  
Rap star: peace!!! (breakdances and just…diappears)   
  
Mido: I THINK I'VE HEARD MORE THAN ENOGH!!!!   
  
Link: (perky) so can I go though?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Mido: AHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!--- (suddenly dull) no   
  
Link: DIE YOU FRISSLEDORF HATER!!!!!!!!!!! (bashes Mido to a pulp) MWHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!! Come on Navi!!!!   
  
Navi: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Rap star: WORD!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
~* END OF SCENE FOUR!!!~*   
  
~~~  
LiLZelda: NNNNNNNNOOOOO FLAMES I KNOW IT WAS A REALLY SUCKY CHAPTER!!!!! WAIII-- (suddenly perky) I'm wasting my funny on my two other fics suggestions for the next chapter are welcome and if you spot navi saying my word a.k.a lop loop anywhere please inform me and I'll (insane) I'LL STRANGLE THAT BEE-ACTH!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (lighting flashes) (perky) PLEASE ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
~~~   
  
~LiLZelda~ 


	4. A bunch of insane stuff before the real ...

Link, Idiot of Time   
  
~by LiLZelda~   
  
OMG!! Chapter Four!! MUAHHAHAHA!!!   
  
YOMUDDA: took you long enough…  
  
LiLZelda: ^__^;;; oh yeah I forgot to mention, YOMUDDA is being featured in this chapter….MUAHHAHAHAHAHA (omiunus lighting and thunder flash)   
  
YOMUDDA: O.o;;;;;;;;;; er, yeah…so anyway R & R and no flames people…ENJOY!   
  
Disclaimer: ……(Link: say it…) *sob* I…I…I CAN'T *cries* (Link: *sigh* *lifts a gun up to his head*) OKAY! Okay! I'll say it. (pause) (Link: -__-;;; well…) I…I…*starts to sob again* I do not own Z-Zelda *sob* I-I-it belongs *blows nose on tissue* t-t-to Shigeru Miyamoto (O.o is that even the right spelling?!!!) *loses it* DAMN YOU SHIGERU MIYAMOTO DAMN YOU!!!! *falls to knees and cries) (A/n: NO!!! I do not mean that terribly sorry Miyamoto-san, I hope you live a happy long life! *Miyamoto and his fans run towards LiLZelda with torches* LiLZelda: O.o;;;;;;;)   
  
~*SCENCE FOUR: A bunch of random stuff before the Deku Tree ~*   
  
Navi: …and so you see Link, that's why I burned down the Playboy studios.  
  
Link: but I don't get it Navi. What does this conversation have to do with Playboy?   
  
Navi: you'll find out in time…   
  
(a Deku Baba pops out of the ground)  
  
Link & Navi: AIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! (runs around dumbly in circles, making all three Deku Baba's pop out)  
  
Link & Navi: AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Link! Use your sword!!! Your sword!!!!   
  
Link: hey Navi you're right! (pulls out sword and points it to the sky) ALMIGHTY JEBUS!!!!!! (A/n: and yes I know how to spell Jesus) HELP US, HELP US!!!!!  
  
(pause)   
  
(long pause)   
  
(very long pause)   
  
(extremely long pause)   
  
(……I'm stalling aren't I?)   
  
Navi: Link…what the f*** are you doing?  
  
Link: (starts to foam at the mouth) I AM TRYING TO CALL THE ALMIGHTY JEBUS!!!! JEBUS JEBUS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU JEBUS?!!!!!!!! DESTROY THESE DEKU BABAS OF…DOOM!!!!!   
  
Deku Babas: *sobs* All we wanted was Seymour. WAHHHHH!   
  
Navi: O.o;;;;;;;;;;  
  
(YOMUDDA appears)   
  
YOMUDDA: I love that face! O.o;;;;;;;;;;;;;; MUAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (omuinus thunder)…hey what happened to the lighting?   
  
(LiLZelda appears)   
  
LiLZelda: Only I can do the Omunius thunder *and* lighting thing. MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA *hack, choke* (omunis thunder and lighting) (eats sugar, smoke pot (with sugar in it)) TOODLES!! (disappears)   
  
YOMUDDA & Navi: O.o;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;   
  
YOMUDDA: uh, yeah so anyway. What does frissledorf mean?   
  
(everything goes silent)  
  
Link: (mouth still foaming, eyes go red) WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!  
  
YOMUDDA: what?   
  
Link: (angry) HUH?!   
  
YOMUDDA: huh?   
  
Link: (still angry) WHAT?!!!!  
  
(YOMUDDA disappears with a poof)   
  
Link: (confused) huh?   
  
(YOMUDDA is now found in a classroom on a desk, LiLZelda is in a gradutation suit with the cap on she is standing near a chalkboard with little Xs and Os on it)  
  
YOMUDDA: what the frissledorf am I doing here? And what does frissledorf mean?   
  
LiLZelda: Exaclty why you're here. (Points to a random X) frissledorf, is just a made up nonsense word like, elephant monkey and pickle moose. It is a word used only by random nonsense people like me. Got it?   
  
YOMUDDA: no…   
  
LiLZelda: ……Good.   
  
YOMUDDA: Oh! And LiLZelda, before I go where did you get that chalkboard?  
  
LiLZelda: (shrugs) I dunno, I just found it in the boy's locker room.   
  
YOMUDDA: (diappears with a poof)   
  
LiLZelda: what's wrong with her? (shurgs) (starts to eat sugar…when a elephant falls on her)   
  
Elephant: *huck* (drinks beer) Hey's little missy can's ya tell a ole' hillbilly where's he's is? I gotta marrys my sister Iris in the pig's pen…*hic* uhh, lil'missy? (looks down) Oh, I done right squashed her like a mashed potatoe in July. *hic, hiccup*   
  
(And now back to our heros…… *takes a asprin*)   
  
Link: wow, that battle was tough.   
  
Navi: yeah, especially when a meteor is hurtling down a you only have 2 minutes, unitl all possible doom awaits you.   
  
YOMUDDA: what are you guys talking about?   
  
Link & Navi: we don't know.   
  
YOMUDDA: well, I gotta go but I'll still appear in random parts of the story. *disappears*  
  
Link: ya know what Navi let's say random stuff until LiLZelda get's new ideas for the next story, or chapter.   
  
Navi: O.o u-uh okay.   
  
Link: (stops) hey look the Deku Tree!!  
  
Navi; MUAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHA *hack*   
  
Link: what was that for   
  
Navi:…I dunno…  
  
~*END OF SCENCE FOUR~*   
  
Okay the ending sucked, but I think for the most part it was pretty good. God I'm so busy with all these stories. Well anyway,   
  
R & R and   
  
No flames   
  
~~~~~~ 


	5. The Deku Tree! Hence the Title

Link, Idiot of Time.  
  
~LiLZelda~  
  
Hey, sorry for the extremely long wait, I have terrible writers block these days ^_^;. Anyway, for your enjoyment here is the new and improved 5th Chapter of Link, Idiot of Time!!!  
  
*cricket chirping*  
  
-__-;; hmm…Well anyway people you know the drill--  
  
Reviewers: *sigh* -__-;; we know….we know…R&R and no flames…  
  
^_^ EXACTLY!! Well on with the fic!  
  
---------  
  
Disclaimer Poem:   
  
I live in a shoe  
  
With my Mom and Dad  
  
My brother is mad, I am glad.   
  
I can't rhyme, 'cuz I'm not Dr. Seuss  
  
But all I have to say is  
  
SMECKLEPOO!!  
  
I lost my house   
  
'cuz I didn't do a disclaimer  
  
And all my lawyers… kicked me in the anise ^_^;  
  
---------  
  
~*SCENE FIVE: Return to The Deku Tree! (hence the title)*~  
  
***Finally! After how many friggin' chapters of waiting-- I mean…*ahem* Finally, alst! Our heroes reach the Deku Tree! Hopefully at least some sanity will come out of this! Do think it would? Why am I asking you? Heck, why am I even asking?? On with the show…***  
  
Navi: Finally, alst! Our heroes have reached the Deku Tree!  
  
Link: Navi, that sounds awfully redundant…  
  
Navi:…STUPID CUE CARD MAN! YOU STILL HAVE THE NARRATORS LINES UP!!!  
  
Cue-Card-Man: *grumbles* I don't get paid enough for this….  
  
Navi: Neither do I…but you don't see me complaining, do you?  
  
Cue-Card-Man: Yeah, actually I do…  
  
Link: He's right Navi you---  
  
Navi: Link, you friggin' horse-monkey shut up and lemme teak care of this *flies over to the cue-card-man, and starts to beat him up*Link, do me a favor and take care of this scene alone…*continues to beat up cue-card-man*  
  
Link: But who will be my sidekick??  
  
*LiLZelda appears*  
  
LiLZelda: I will!! *bounces up and down* ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEEEEE!!  
  
Link: Oh why do you do this do me Jebus…  
  
LiLZelda: *puts on the Popes hat and smacks Link* YOU HAVE INSULTED THE LORD!!!  
  
Link: But, all I said was Jebus….  
  
LiLZelda: *smacks Link again* don't make me have to do this to you Linky-poo!  
  
Link: …LiLZelda?  
  
LiLZelda: yeeeesss? *takes out a bag of cubed sugar and stuffs some into her mouth, swallows.*  
  
Link: Where'd you get that hat?  
  
LiLZelda: I stole it from some old dude, on a chair. Ain't it prettiful?  
  
Link: uhh, yeah…it is. Can I try it on?  
  
LiLZelda: NOOOOO MY HAT!!!! *disappears with a poof*  
  
Link: O_O;;  
  
**Link shouldn't you get going and wake the Deku Tree???**  
  
Link: *Sigh* you're right Mr.Narrotor I should shouldn't I?  
  
**Yes you should! And it's MISS Narrator to you MUAHAHHAHAHA *hack, choke**  
  
Link: Frissledorf! First the plot takes longer then expected, then the Narrator gets posseed by LiLZelda…and who knows what might happen now…**  
  
(a Elephant falls from the---)  
  
Link: OOO NOOO YOU DON'T!!! ABOUSLY NOOO ELEPAHNT IS FALLING FROM THE SKY!!!!  
  
** party-pooper…*sticks tongue out* **  
  
Deku Tree: *snore, drool, grunt* I wear white-tighiges mommie! *snore* heehee, would you like more tea Mrs. Lumpkins? Would that be one lump or--- *wakes up* huh? what? where? who? when? how? Have I used all the predicates yet??  
  
** No, you missed: he, she, it--**  
  
Link: ENOUGH!!   
  
*crickets*  
  
Link: *ahem* Deku Tree I was the boy who you sent for.  
  
Deku Tree: you mean the boy who lives in the tree?  
  
Link: Yeah, except for some live in stumps, or on the rare occasion logs…but it's still a mystery of what the Know-It-All Brothers live in. I mean is it a regular house or stump or house or stump. Heh. You know what I could just go on and on and on and on and on and on all day long and not have a care in the world of what's happening like this one time when--hey Deku are you listing? Deku? Deku?? DEKKUUUUUU!!!!!  
  
Deku Tree: *wakes up again* huh? what? where---Oh yeah. *takes a deep breath and says fast* FreemefromthiscusrefromwhichthismaninablackcapehasbewictheduponmehurrybacksoonItendtogetrancidbreath (1). ((1)- Free me from this curse from which this man in a black cape has bewitched upon me hurry back soon, I tend to get rancid breath)   
  
Link: Um, no thanks I'll think I'll have a snickers! *takes out a snickers and eats it) mmmmm snickers…*drools*  
  
Deku Tree: *opens mouth* ENTER YOUNG HERO!!!  
  
Link: Deku, before I go in….could I ask you a question?   
  
Deku Tree: yeeeesss?   
  
Link: How could you talk with your mouth wide open?  
  
Deku Tree: Some secrets are to be kept.  
  
Link: SCREW YOU, OLD PIECE OF BARK!! *scratches Deku Tree with sword and runs inside*  
  
Deku Tree: *sigh* they don't pay me enough for this….  
  
~~**END OF SCENE FIVE**~~  
  
Read and Review  
  
Read and Review  
  
Or I will send rabid cows  
  
After you  
  
^__^  
  
~~~~~~~ 


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